(via fahrradlust) (Source: bigspoke)
Ho ho what now?
Well, I have now read two atheist essays this year: the first being the work of Neil deGrasse Tyson, which argues against intelligent design (as in, “God of the Gaps” — and a great youtube), and the second being credited to that of Ricky Gervais, who isn’t short on intelligence as fans know. While Gervais is a terrific comedian and writer of the comedies, the better work here comes from the astrophysicist. Tyson not only writes the better essay, the content is also quite comical.
At the beginning of the year, I finally quit pussyfooting about and ditched the agnostic tag in favor of atheism. Besides, God didn’t make me to dance around the definition like Bertrand Russell hanging around sick children to reaffirm his disbelief, and I quote: “No one can sit at the bedside of a dying child and still believe in God.”
In America, however, this doesn’t mean that I won’t indulge in phrases and practices that evoke Christianity. I still say “thank god” in regards to trivial matters such as not losing a territory in the computer game of Risk. But I won’t say “bless you” or even “gesundheit,” which I’ve been using for years. In 2007, my psychology professor pointed out the absurdity of its usage after its utterance from my lips. Either way, I refuse to fuel superstitions of evil spirits or ejecting your soul by force of a sneeze.
Church signs will continue to amuse me, and here’s a video of none other than Stephen Colbert musing on an atheist billboard and the Catholic retaliation, along with his continued coverage of the “War on Christmas.”
To further quote myself from a couple weeks ago, “this Christmas, the Planet Pluto is proud to hand out atheist presents. SURPRISE, there’s NOTHING in the box! We’re still on a limited budget due to the cutback from planet status to dwarf planet. But forget “Happy Holidays” or freedom of religion, we need freedom from Christmas songs. Suck it McCartney for simply having a “Wonderful Christmas Time.” These songs never entice customers to overspend nor do they appeal to any sane employee. Maybe they convince people to overeat in restaurants, though. It’s the holiday season — indulge! Did you ever notice the striking resemblance between affable and eff-able? They are synonyms to me. Indulge!”
That’s not to say that all Christmas music is deplorable. Oh no. There’s nothing better to me than Low’s Christmas. Once upon a time a couple years ago, there even was a Christmas on Pluto mix. If you’re good boys and girls, this year might feature the sequel.
To illustrate our collective fascination with Christmas, the following is a sample of a 2006 poem about a Santa that rode Halley’s comet and punished children:
“We were about as horny as eunuchs singing the national anthem.”
“I will finish before the night ends / and be there to tuck the electrical children into their sockets. / I’ll wake them before I stick the knife in / to see if they dreamt of me killing them / under the pseudo stars of drywall, plaster and tiles.”
Plus, if you recall, there recently was a far less disturbing Dr. Seuss parody poem concerning Star Wars.
However unorthodox, while I may not believe in a supernatural being, I cannot cast off cultural norms that are linked to Christianity. Considering the season, I’d like to share what I am thankful for. Season’s Greetings, God-fearing America, I am grateful for:
- Christianity cashing in on winter solstice traditions (bring back Krampus!)
- Holidays (days off work for most)
- Christmas lights
- Religion as excellent fodder for jokes
- Die Hard, my favorite Christmas movie (what do you call a die-hard fan of a Die Hard film?
- “Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas” (Community)
- The loneliness inherent in Christmas
- Gifts, I guess
- A retail spike in sales
- Low’s Christmas, The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York,” The Walkmen’s countless songs of Christmas hangovers or whatever, and a few others
- I’m blanking. Anything else that I am missing?
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good (late) morning. Wrote this extremely last night, but tumblr doesn’t auto-save, huh. Had to retype half of it.
Oh, hey, while I still have you here: if you type softly, would it be mumblr rather than tumblr?
-
communitythings liked this
-
planetplutonet posted this
